Temporarily Useless vs. Permanently Weird

"If a woman has something implanted permanently, it might as well do something useful."

What is this man talking about?

1. Caffeinated Depo-Provera
2. K-Fed's degree in VCR repair
3. Breast-based MP3 player
4. Cellphone headset earring
5. Preparation-H shampoo for Harriet Miers

Give up?

(thanks to Krist for the tip!)