Let's be clear: Sorry's new song "Tom Will Smack Your Ass" is not about me. At least, I'm pretty sure it's not. I have never knowingly met any of the members of Sorry, and I certainly have not smacked their asses. Listen: I can't speak for any Toms, but I can say that I will not smack your ass without your enthusiastic consent. Even with your enthusiastic consent, I probably won't do it. It likely wouldn't occur to me. I don't mean any offense when I say that. I'm sure your ass is very nice. It's just not a way that I interact with most people.
We got all that, right? We're good? It's understood? Because on the song, Sorry clearly state that the titular Tom "fucks you in his car like 'Fuck, it's a Fiat.'" I don't drive a Fiat. I drive a Volkswagen Atlas, and I haven't fucked anybody in it. I got it used, so maybe someone has fucked you in it, but it wasn't me. According to a press release, the song "weaves a cutting British caricature" of "a mythologized villain." This Tom, supposedly, is "a parody of the boy we all know." Is there some villainous Tom running around the UK, smacking asses and fucking people in his Fiat, or is he just a generic stand-in for all Toms? We may never know.
Sorry's 2025 album Cosplay was one of our favorites of the year. In February, they released two more songs, "Billy Elliot" and "Alone In Cologne." "Tom Will Smack Your Ass" is a knowingly ridiculous goof of a song, and it's coming out in advance of Sorry's performace at this weekend's Green Man Festival. Frontwoman Asha Lorenz co-directed the song's video with "Flo Webb," and it's just a series of shots of asses getting smacked, often in slow-motion. Lorenz says, "No bums were harmed in the making of this video — thanks to everyone who contributed." Check it out below.
You know, if you switched around the punctuation of this blog post's headline, it would be an apologetic warning. And it would not be true. I never asked for any of this.
